Am I still on Facebook? How about you?

I had not been using my Facebook account when I decided to deactivate it. What kept me from deleting it completely were the photos I uploaded there and friends I had no way of contacting if not through that application. I keep using Messenger though since it seems to have replaced text messaging and family and friends send me messages through that.

It was not that big of a deal when I stopped using Facebook. I'm not even sure if people noticed it or maybe some just assumed that I unfriended (is that still a thing? haha) or blocked them. It has been a smooth transition since I wasn't checking my news feed all the time. There was even a point before deactivating that I would only last five minutes looking at my news feed. Well, maybe those were just dark days but I lost interest seeing what's trending and opinions about news and events that were generally awful. The other reason I quit using it is that I was usually left with negative emotions after browsing. And why would I still use something that doesn't make me feel good at all? So I made a choice and it has been great so far.

I'm sure there were events that went in my friends' lives that I missed out on - that's just one of the cons but I love the idea of mystery and wonder how other people's weeks and months have gone and maybe they'll share their stories when we meet. I can reach out to them through Messenger if I want/need to, and I hope that they know that they can do the same. I hope that family and friends won't think that I care less if I don't know everything going on with them. I do care, a lot actually.

I won't go around telling others to deactivate or delete their Facebook too. But if you get negative emotions from social media, maybe you should take a break for a while. Or not. Instead, use it wisely, share what's in your mind carefully, and follow only stuff that you need/want in your feed. It all boils down to doing things that make you happy and help you feel important and useful without causing harm to others and yourself especially. But also, remember to live in the present and discover other ways and experiences where you can learn, grow, and feel fulfilled.

Anyway, I'm sharing here some songs from a band that I love listening to these days.☺️

A full life

Nanay Chedeng spends most days sitting in and looking after their convenience store where people frequent for snacks and other commodities. Her children would look after the store while she took a nap in the afternoon. Some people may feel uncomfortable opening up about their lives, not her - she has been smiling and accommodating while trying to dig into the details from her past that she would like to share.

Life in the Earlier Years

Mercedes was born into this world on the 8th of October 1944. Customarily, she was called Chedeng which was much easily pronounceable like the names in the neighborhood such as Lureng, Mareng, Neneng. She was later known as Nanay Chedeng since her family especially her grandchildren calls her that way.

Nanay Chedeng's family of origin lived in Bucana, Naic, Cavite, a coastal barangay. She recounted that she was only seven years old when her father died. Her mother remarried in the following years and her stepfather treated her like his own. She had five other younger siblings which made their family merrier. In order to support her schooling, she used to sell food for merienda and the money that she earned from it served as her school allowance. Her stepfather used to fish while her mother sold the caught fish as a way of living, and that was how their family survived.

She described that their home was small - they slept elbow-to-elbow on a woven mat spread on the floor with a thick blanket . She loves her siblings and has no ill feeling towards them. They built a bond strong until now.

 Nanay Chedeng when was still young

The school during their days was an unfinished structure. She recalled that it was a simple room with facilities that might seem inconducive for learning. She finished elementary school but was unable to continue through high school. Her five other siblings were able to pursue through college and earned degrees in Education in exception of one, who pursued a career in the air force.

While she was out of school, she helped her family by selling food - that was how she met the love of her life. When Sendong first met her, he started courting her right away. She described that courtship was sweeter in their time, because the man had to constantly visit the woman he was pursuing in their family home. The man would serenade and offer to do household chores for the family. She loved the gifts from her suitors which could be food, home decoration or materials for dress. Sendong used to live in Munting Mapino, which was a few barangays away and had to cross the river to visit her using a banca - one hand rowing the boat and the other holding his shoes up. The courtship lasted for a long time which Nanay Chedeng could not remember exactly how long. And at the age of sixteen, she finally accepted Sendong who had been patiently waiting for her 'yes'.

A decade together

If you'd ask what I've been doing the exact same day about a decade ago - I'd tell you that I was thinking of making one of the precious decisions in my life. A decade ago, I decided to start an exclusive relationship with Michael. It seemed rushed, but it felt right. Even back then, I knew that what we started was for the long haul. And I'm glad that it is. It has been a decade since that day, and a lot has happened. Was it really that long? It seemed like yesterday, and at the same time, it was like a long time ago.

We experienced a lot between then and now. We've had sunshine and rain, joy and pain, and I'm grateful that it's him that I get to spend them with. We learned to appreciate the times we spent together, and the times we spent apart while struggling with personal battles that we also learned to share with each other.  We got married after being together for five years and decided to live abroad. We made mistakes, argued about big and small issues, felt sorry, and always choose to make up. Sometimes we hurt each other unintentionally, I think it's inevitable and I hope that we always gain something valuable from those times. We traveled to interesting places while trying as much to save up for our dreams. We tried doing new stuff and agreed about a lot of things. We told stories we have never told anyone and laughed at jokes we also have never told anyone.

The first year

Surviving the long distance

A brief Christmas meltdown

It was the night before Christmas, a couple of days after our fourth wedding anniversary. We have just traveled back to Abu Dhabi and checked into our booked hotel after spending a few days in Dubai. Michael felt sick with a headache, mostly because of long hours on the road. I felt sorry for him because he was supposed to be taking a break and rest from work, and yet there he was, asking if he could catch some sleep before we join my sister and her flatmates for Noche Buena. Of course I obliged, and let him catch some sleep he definitely needed.

And while he was sleeping, I felt overwhelmed by the realization of how he loves me all the same through the years, of how he gives so much and forgives me quickly, of how he tries so hard to understand me, and of how he helps and supports me. I was overwhelmed and thought if I am as loving, as giving, as forgiving, as trying, as helping and supporting as he is to me. I am so blessed and yet I was questioning myself. I felt that I am not able to reciprocate all the things that Michael has done for me - for us. And there was a pain from longing for what we were praying for, there still is. Then I wondered and worried about the coming years - how they would be. It was another kind of sadness, but believing in the brighter side of things helps keep me going everyday. I felt frustrated and went into a meltdown that night before Christmas, while on a leisure trip celebrating our wedding anniversary and Christmas. I let it all pour while he was sleeping. I recognized my pain and gave in for a moment. It might sound melodramatic, but it was real.

When he woke up, he saw me and wondered what happened. I couldn't quite explain it to him but I guess he knew somehow. Then it passed, and I'm so glad that a meltdown might be inevitable but could pass. We do not feel alright sometimes, and it's okay. It shall pass. Let's believe that it will pass.

Thankfully, my meltdown did not affect much of our trip. Our 5-day trip in the UAE had been fun and overwhelming with meeting family and friends for a short time, and celebrating the festive season away from home. A week after that, I had my period. Maybe my hormonal imbalance contributed to my anxiety, maybe it was the season, or maybe both. I think what's more important is that it has passed. I'm praying that this new year will be more forgiving and exciting. Happy new year!☺

Taken after riding the abra, like a tourist

Happy sweet 60!

It's your 60th birthday today, Mommy! Welcome to your 60s - Daddy will help you get your Senior Citizen's ID. Hehe! I hope that you enjoy the coming years and find something that you love to do since you will be retiring from teaching soon.

I thank you for all the care, love, and understanding that you have given us through the years. Thank you for the funny and scary stories you tell us when we were little. Thank you for allowing us to grow and for supporting the choices we make. We may not be able to pay back all that you've done for us, and we can only be forever thankful and grateful.

Eat healthy para 'di sumakit ang tuhod. Hehe! Stay young at heart. Enjoy your day! We love you! ♡

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It’s the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows and the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years. | Audrey Hepburn